For the Days We Doubt God's Goodness

by Beth Joseph, Women’s Ministry Leader

Every week, I have the blessing of nannying two children in Lynchburg. One of the children has the sweetest heart of any child I have ever known. He is constantly sacrificing his own desires to make his older sister happy. His selfless attitude and deep awareness of his sister’s emotions extends to everyone he interacts with. The conversations that I have with him happen to be the highlights of my week.

Unfortunately, he was having a hard day last week. I was rushing to ready him for the day but his frustrations were getting in the way, and there hadn’t been time for us to play. I reassured him that we would play later, but my promise fell on deaf ears, and before I knew it, he was in tears concluding that I never wanted to play with him again. He plopped on his bed, dissolving into tears, and shouted, “Why don’t you want me to have fun? You must not love me if you don’t want me to have fun!”

Days after the incident, I was sitting on my couch, talking with our Father.  In my own puddle of tears, I had been bearing my heart to Him about my hurts, frustrations, dissatisfactions, unfulfilled longings, etc. Then, I remembered the moment. I remembered the sweet child laying on his bed saying, “Why don’t you want me to have fun? You must not love me if you don’t want me to have fun!”

This was exactly what I was saying to God. I was having the exact same moment!

Have you ever had a day where you are discouraged in following Jesus? It feels like you are missing out on a lot. You are lonely. You feel left out. You feel like you’re not getting the best. I was having that exact moment that Friday morning. I felt like I was not having the “fun” that I wanted. I felt unloved because of my circumstances and what I thought I was lacking.

Psalm 84:10-12 tells us, “For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. O LORD of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!”

The final section of Psalm 84 describes a person who sincerely trusts the Lord. He genuinely prefers one day in the house of God over a thousand elsewhere. He is okay with the ‘smaller’ tasks done in God’s service. He looks beyond his own personal gain in the tents of wickedness and trusts that his service as a doorkeeper is better. He trusts in God as his sun (the light of his life) and as his shield (his protection). He trusts that God is not withholding any good thing from him. He trusts that walking in line with God’s will is best.

If you are wondering what happened with the precious little boy, we had a good conversation that same day about what he was feeling. I apologized for not playing that morning. But, furthermore, I assured him of my affections for him. I assured him that just because we couldn’t do what he wanted at the time he wanted didn’t mean that I loved him any less.

Isn’t it funny how God had to do the exact same thing with me a few days later? I had the same moment where God had to remind me that He hadn’t forgotten me, ignored me, or stopped loving me, just because it felt like I wasn’t having my “fun.” I don’t know what your “fun” is right now, but can I encourage you that God has not forgotten you? He isn’t withholding His good from you. He loves you and because of His great love for you, He’ll keep things within His timetable and not your own.

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